Crazy Comments from My Family
*Real names have been removed. No other changes/edits have been made.
Father: Do you ever find yourself thinking what it would be like to have your loving family back in your life?
Me: I have a loving family in my life.
Father: You don’t have your family in your life or the life of your kids. How can you be so bitter for so long? Doesn’t it take a lot to keep the myth up?
Me: I do have my family in my life. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you mean you and your wife? No thanks, you’ll not get near my children.
Father: One day I will just show up at your door
Me: I’m not bitter. I’m not mad.
Father: You look good in your picture
Me: Yeah, sure. You were 15 miles away this December.
Father: Yes I was but I respected your distance
Me: These are the comments you’ve left about my life: https://lithiumpregnancy.wordpress.com/crazo-comments. I don’t need that, nor does my family. It’s been almost nine years.
Father: There is nothing there that is scathing or untrue
Me: I’m just not interested in repeating the types of things I went through with you.
Father: Types of things could that be no one would possibly understand
Me: I don’t want your wife calling my husband at work telling him Im attempting suicide. Or you emailing me that I’m in a cult. I’m just not interested in it. Nor do I want my children exposed to that.
Father: Writing anything would seem desperate to you just put it down. None of that ever happened.
Me: Just put what down? Oh, okay. Fair enough.
Father: Your guilt
Me: I don’t feel guilty. I miss you. And I still don’t want to be in any kind of relationship with you.
Father: You did try suicide we were there to help you through no one wrote you were in a cult.
Me: You can say things didn’t happen, and if that’s what you believe – then, that’s what you believe.
Father: That is the truth. Things ever happened that you didn’t create
Me: [Mom] never called K and said I was attempting suicide at his home? K made it up?
Father: No but you would never believe that
Me: You’re right. I don’t believe he’s lying.
Father: That would be pretty stupid. He’s as dramatic as you if that is what he said.
Me: It’s okay. You have your memories and I have mine.
Father: I never even heard that one from you is that new?
Me: I don’t think – as this conversation illustrates – that we’ll change our minds.
Father: We have boxes of stuff memories of what was real
Me: Nope, it was when I first got engaged. Sure, and that’s great. I’m glad you have memories. I have good memories too.
Father: We would be open to an adult conversation. Not memories of you as an adult. I would be afraid of you now. Some things just don’t stop because you think it
Me: I’m not sure we have anything to discuss. We have different recollections of past events.
Father: There are no reconciliations of anything from you or [K]
Me: I’m not looking for any kind of reconciliation. I don’t want one.
Father: That’s what is really sad and the mystery. Too many people. It’s hard sometimes to pretend that you disappeared.
Me: Not that mysterious or sad… My family is quite happy. The last nine years have been the best in my life.
Father: If you were honest with your self you know that’s not true. How do you convince your self of that everyday. I never thought you would have been the one to try to destroyed us your mother. It very rude to call her my wife she is your mother. If I was that close to you and you knew the roads go both ways So I have have rants that I have kept from you too and I guess if I had posted them in some kind of context they would pretty silly too 😎
Me: I couldn’t drive. I was two weeks after a hip replacement. It was the only way I didn’t make it to your lobby. But, as I can see from this conversation- it wouldn’t have mattered.
Father: After all your the one responding and your the one who keeps writing about it. Most people go after reconciliation. Yes it would have mattered
Me: The last nine years have not been easy – but I would choose my marriage and the birth of my children over the best day with you.
Father: I was asked not to brother you that you would have been not in good shape. I just never knew you were that hurt
Me: What? Physically? It was a tough year.
Father: You certainly never acted that way. I know you were in an accident. Of course [AC] would have never shared or your family.
Me: What? I don’t know why I’m still responding. I guess I’m always curious about you and your wife – if you’ve changed.
Father: I guess if something serious had happened then maybe someone may have let us know. Your mother you are just like her in many way
Me: Thanks for showing me that nothing has. I am. And a lot like you too. It’s a shame you don’t get to see it.
Father: We have changed in many ways but you can only see us in a way to keep up your story
Me: But, you don’t. You just typed this: If you were honest with your self you know that’s not true. You really think being a mom is less than being your daughter? Oh goodness!
Father: How would we see that if you have run away and have made it impossible to see or talk to you.
Me: Yeah. I don’t hide my life. I just don’t include you in it.
Father: You aren’t even humble
Me: About what?
Father: You still keep up your same defensive
Me: Of what? “If you were honest with your self you know that’s not true.” You wrote that – you believe that.
Father: This separation is all about you and your desires
Me: And, like, that’s ok. I just don’t want any part of it. Yup. I don’t want you around my family. Or me.
Father: We have been honest and don’t see it or does anyone else. So keep your unnatural behaviors up.
Me: Ok. Will do!
Father: Every time I call home my dad ask if you are talking to us. I went to PA people ask if you have reconciled. Your aunts are afraid to ask you because you get upset so if there’s nothing what’s all that. Have you talked to your brother in years? You don’t even know about his carer or how successful he is or his relationships your behavior has included him too. So the people who have known you your life lived through your dramas and life. You chew them up spit them out and what they go away. If your husband were a true partner it would something he would work with you . But he doesn’t does he. Here you can put this on your list since you need these memories that you have coupled. Do think of us as dead every day? Because I think of you everyday when I wake up and ask will this be the day she gets better and calls. Guilt keeps you away.
Me: Nope. Not going to happen. And, not guilt. I get that it’s hard to believe, but I’m not guilty about putting my family first. In this conversation, you’ve said disparaging things about extended family and my husband. Not interested in your version of “family.” These nine years… Marriage, babies, losses, mortgages, jobs, love – it’s what I always dreamed I’d have if I was very very lucky and worked very hard. And I am very lucky and I do work very hard. I don’t want or need anyone in my life who would think that isn’t true.
Father: I didn’t go to see you in December because I didn’t think I would have been welcomed and I’m not crawling on my knees to ask for any forgiveness except to have all this time pass without seeing you. Good night I hope your kids sleep through the night. It’s wonderful to have that happen.5/4/15 – FaceBook Message from Father
Father: Abandoned that’s how it feels
5/25/15 – FaceBook Message from Father
Father: What you have written makes no sense who is asking you to give up anything except this mess you’ve made one day your kids will ask and you will weep that you held on to the guilt you’ve held on. We have done nothing you have created the mess.
Me: I haven’t written anything. I’m not asking you for anything. I don’t want anything from you. I have(sic) don’t live with guilt. I don’t live with shame.
Father: You just wrote. I responded to your message. You should because children don’t kill off parents.
Me: I’m relatively sure you’re not dead.
Father: You do live the shame of what you have created with this one sided war with your parents. How would you know or would care.
Me: I don’t think it’s a war. And I don’t live with shame. I know you can’t see that… Because you don’t get to see me live. And, that’s okay.
Father: That’s right your choice to kill us off
Me: You think my best years were with you. And you won’t beg forgiveness. I get it. It’s not what I would choose to do, but it’s your choice.
Father: That’s not ok excite in A land that no one wants to live you
Me: You’re not dead. I’m okay. I’m happy. I’m thriving.
Father: In you would we are dead.
Me: I don’t know what you want from me.
Father: You have killed us off
Me: So, what do you want from me? Why did you message me this afternoon?
Father: That is a good statement I would be afraid of you.
Me: So, if you are afraid of me, why are you messaging me? What do you want?
Father:Because like they say you never give up.
Me: So, what is it you want?
Father: We want to be in a normal relationship with you and your love ones
Me: We? You’re speaking for you and [Mom]?
Father: [Mom] is your mother isn’t she. Like I am your father.
Me: She is! You are!
Father: Like your a mother and [K] is a father
Me: I’m not sure how a normal relationship would work with you two.
Father: I’m confused
Me: We’re not normal. And I don’t really feel like you know how to be a dad to an adult daughter.
Father: You created this mess and we are supposed to forget
Me: I created this mess all by myself?
Father: As we have many things many times with you
Me: So, our estrangement is 100% my fault?
Father: Yes you did we were ponds in your make believe. Yes it is
Me: Ok. Well, that’s easy.
Father: How could you think anything differently. We did nothing to create this except be your parents
Me: I do think differently. I think both of us got us here. That’s cool though – good to see we are where I thought we were.
Father: Yes cause nothing has changed from you
Me: I haven’t changed?
Father: You are still controlling you are still hiding
Me: I dunno, Melvin. I’m not hiding. Who am I controlling?
Father: Oh but you have from the decent person you were when I knew you. You know what the C— I knew is gone a long time ago and only you have the key. I read the stuff you quoted and you know what there wasn’t a thing that wasn’t bad or true.
Me: What quotes? I’m sorry, this is ridiculous.
Father: From your blog that you felt like you were rants. Yes you are lost if you have nothing to say.
Me: Of course I’ve changed. I’m a 34 year old mother. I’m a COO. I’m me. I’m actually kind of extraordinary —
Father: In your mind I’m sure you are
Me: I’m exactly me. Okay, well – there’s that.
Father: I can’t wait until your kids grow up n
Me: Me neither!
Father: Yeah this is useless
Me: It is!
Father: You don’t have a guilty bone. How sad
Me: You’re who you are – and it’s super hard to chat with normality. I’m not guilty! Yikes! Do not feel guilty! It’s okay, maybe we can try this whole thing/conversation in another nine years. Bye!
Father: I didn’t realized we had raised a cold hearted person. We are very normal but you are not a picture of normality. You are living in make believe and you still act like a child of 34 years. When you ready to ask for forgiveness and admit to the destruction you are not going to change this and you can’t hide behind your make believe. Bye for now one day I will show up on your porch. Your address is on my credit report.
Me: You were twenty minutes away and didn’t show up – I’ll believe it when I see it. And normal? Bwaahaaaaa. I don’t solicit massages when I travel.
Father: I would never invade the Campbell
Me: Leave it. You’re not the father I want in my life.
Father: Yeah I guess I’m bored.
Me: I can tell.
Father: Your not the daughter I had in mine either
Me: I bet! Honesty is a scary thing. I’ll just keep on living my life. You do you.
Father: You would know honesty if it bit you
Me: Not your version, for sure!
Father: See a sane person wouldn’t be in your position.
Me: I dunno about that. I’m okay with my decisions.
Father:Oh yes don’t you owe me some money I can resend the spread that you laughed about.
Me: Ha! The spreadsheet! You rock!
Father: Your husband said that you would repay it. I’m not asking for all the other balances. I’m surprised that you could qualify for a house I had a file on you at the police so I did not have to pay some of your debt b. Is this reality or make believe. Any quick comments on this. Who bought the house K’s dad? How wonderful the truth is.
Me: You found out my secret, an independently wealthy father-in-law! Actually, I went from a 490 credit score to an 810. It took time and hard work. But my mortgage is in MY name. Because I’m the primary earner. It’s such a shame you can’t see the success that I am. Okay. Well, my youngest just woke up. Love chatting with you – just confirms my decisions.
Father: Sometimes it’s hard to accept your mental illness this sounds and looks more like willful behavior. Yeah are you going to pay me back hard working person? This won’t just blow over except in make believe land. This confirms that some things you won’t let get better. S—– and her kids are much easier to be with
Me: Good! Enjoy S—-! I’m happy for all of you. And you want something? Come sue me. Bring it. You can’t scare me. Your threats are like your offer of love – empty. Anyway. This has been fun. I guess I just wanted to poke the bear. Heh. Snort. You’re exactly who I thought you were.
9/13/12 – Blog Comment from Father
You really are so sad it really is pathic you were loved and raised well. Your shame keeps your relathionships at a distance your distance. Do know how to love?? ,if you left these messages on your public blog you would have to admit your absolute guilt. If your [—-] were honest she too would have to admit her hand in in this mess too. Good night and so. Sorry you have to continue your myth.
9/4/12 – Blog Comment from Father
I remeber a time when you were sick you couldn’t trust the beauty of a flower now because of a messed up aunt and you you don’t see a families love. It’s sad to be you.
9/4/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Just remember. You are the one that got sick got taken care of sacrificed for giving love and life for. You are the one that lied cheated stoked rob and ran away to create your mess you are a mess oh yeah.
9/4/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Only nuts see other crazy nuts. Your constant blah blah and shame keep you the crazy you along with that crazy aunt hidden in her shell one sided women depend on lumps.
8/28/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Yeah she looks like [—-].
8/20/12 – Blog Comment from Father
the thing you learn from this blog is how this girl who had a loving family. Killed them off wiith her shame and lies and then left those people who were the witnesses to her only life, She left them for dead she needed all the attention. The she wonders why know one knows the facts it becasue they were not around.
8/20/12 – Blog Comment from Father
You have crushed us.
8/20/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Call your Duct tape group. Afterall they raise you. I think you called us donors. You killed us off.
8/14/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Yes you were close to your father, but you stopped that quickly 6 years ago. Looking back on it I liked being your father then. I am your stranger now. You will think of your daughter everyday even when they throw up on you phlegm or bullshit. I have experienced both from you. You will learn to fix things hopefully you will never know the heart break you have given me and your mom. You have killed us with your shame and desire. I’m glad you went to PA, you hated those trips in the past. Your daughter looks like [—-]. Lucky girl.
7/24/12 – Blog Comment from Father
That is really to bad see you tomorrow
6/26/12 – Blog Comment from Mother
Beautiful Mother [—-], You are glorious in spirit, beauty and attitude! Your daughter is so lovely. We love you deeply and truly, and are happy for you. With Storm Debby around, I asked daddy for this blog address so I could check on you. Please feel safe reading this. I would never want to worry you re: your uncomfortable ness with us. We support your decisions; however, that never stops our missing you, thinking of you, happiness for you, support of you, joy for you!
Everything is going to be ok, little [—-]. You will be a wonderful mommy! And [—-] a wonderful daddy! Your hurdles are tougher right now, with post partum hormone changes and med changes, sleep changes, etc etc! But you will be ok! You will be safe, my precious daughter. I have empirical proof that you will be, should you ever want to “debate” this with me! LOL
My baby girl, you are such a beautiful person. You are the moon and the stars and I send you my love every night on those stars, like the grand mom in “The Education of Little Tree” sent to him.
I hope you have a good day today. One day at a time, one moment at a time. “There is a Lifetime in a Moment”.
Mommy. Xo : ).
To be clear! no expectations, no! You are safe – you are welcome in our lives any time, but we fully respect your choices. I hope you will feel only support, love, your momma’s pride, and care for the love of her life daughter. Please, take only that from this. Joy, happiness, pride in you, for you!
4/23/12 – Blog Comment from Father
If you were healthy in the mind you would have your whole family. Glad things are going well for you and [—-]. We miss you.
3/23/12 – Blog Comment from Father
Oh my so good to hear you are doing well do I need to tell your AC to back down. Hoping to talk to your inlays to make sure things are ok. Love you always. Dad
3/9/12 – Blog Comment from Father
What have we your parents ever done to deserve such shame that you spread. This is such a mess you continue. Such a loss.
3/9/12 – Father Email
There is nothing mean written n your public blog. Of course us for no reason and having support by your groupies. I hope they are sorry for this mess you continue to drag on. Every single minute. Its not a brave woman that holds on to make believe. Having people support like this is a normal situation with your family is beyond any belief.
2/16 – Blog Comment from Father
I don’t think there is anything I can say that would be perceived positively, when there is not a willingness to hear. All I know is that we are all struggling here all that matters is that you are loved.
2/15/12 – Blog Comment from Father
The crazies you talk about is your shame, this is the only thing that keeps you apart from your family. You can’t forgive yourself therefore creating a new family sphere was better but it didn’t erase your past, it is still there. You weren’t born August of 2006.
So you have morphed a life without a past yet your memories keep you tied to your past. The past was happy, sad, and scary all the things that make up a normal family, something your Aunts know nothing about but the program to throw away your past/family is your creation and supported by your ducktaped group. Your aunts have threads of that in their lives as well.
Ducktape may have been taught about Birthday bunny and ringing bells at Christmas but they don’t know the traditions created in your fiber. We still remember that girl that used to be with us all, throwing her bike to the ground, sleeping in a crib with a baby blanket of pink or looking in a stained glass mirror wearing smocked dresses with a pigtale in the middle of her head, cooing. First days of school plays, “never fully dressed with a smile”, balleyboo dancer. The problem is you can’t erase your problems, they are just memories .
We have no mementos of that girl, they left with you. We also seek stability, happiness and health, but you my dear girl make that decision to morph every single day, hour and minute holding on to your ducktaped group
That’s the sad part…………
2/14 – Blog Comment from Father
You can change this anytime it’s all your doing and making.