I swear I won’t. When it’s happening, I swear I will remember the face, the smile, the smell, the light. I swear to myself I will remember every moment – the simple ones when K looks over to me and tells me he’s happy. The ones where the weight of both girls holds me down and anchors me. The ones where C3 gives me a hug and whispers, “I love you, momma.” Playing with playdough. Taking a walk with the new double stroller – K pushing me in the wheelchair while I push the girls. Making brownies. Picking out what to wear.
I don’t. I don’t remember them. They float by – and maybe, just maybe – if I’ve taken a picture I will remember them specifically in a year. Because right now they sort of all roll up into one ball of happy. I think the ball of happy is what sustains you when there’s spit up in your mouth, poop on your palm, sleep in your eyes. It’s why we all blog. Right?
This week’s moments:
The joy in C3’s face while watching “Into the Woods.” The girl gets into musical theater and I am now looking into local productions of anything. She was mesmerized. I found myself singing all the words – muscle memory from afternoons with my brother. I loved it.
Jumperoo time with C4 when she figures out the things that spin and shake and move. She’s so damn proud of herself, beaming from ear to ear as her muscles work just like she wants them to. She delights me.
C3 is doing gangbusters with her own room and her own bed. She’s only waking one or two times a night, which ain’t bad. When she wakes up, she wants to come into “Daddy’s bed.” It’s not mine. It’s just Daddy’s.
C3 doesn’t just have legs, she has gams. The girl is getting all shapely and long and I cannot believe she’s really, fully two. She still puts her head on my shoulder, and I treasure the feel of her bony jaw and soft skin.
C4 likes to fall asleep in my arms. Her head all smooshed up against my breast. Yes, she still eats for hours at a time, but she’s happy and fat. And I’m getting my clavicle back.
C3 rubs C4’s head. She giggles and nuzzles her and says, “soft.” The two of them… As much as I want C4 to stay a baby, the future of two girls playing together is there – visible. If only 3 would call her by name. She’s “baby” every time.