Last week, I had a sick toddler. Normally, that wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But I can’t drive. I can’t carry my sick toddler. I’m dependent on so many people right now. Anyway, I posted on facebook with the hashtag twogirlsandawalker.
That’s my life right now. Sleeping in a hospital bed away from my husband. Using the basket of my walker to pull things from the fridge to the counter. Dragging the Rock-n-Play from room to room with my sleeping infant. Kicking up the heel of my bad leg towards my butt (seriously, that’s what the PT guy wrote on the instruction page). It’s awful. It’s wonderful. It is what it is.
I’ve been positive, yup. I am a positive person. My aunt said I was really adaptable. Until she said it I didn’t realize that was such a trait of mine. It’s both good and bad. I’m adaptable, right up until that point when I can’t bend, won’t bend. Thankfully, we haven’t reached that point yet. I’m positive, but I cry in the shower. I have moments, sometimes they’re full minutes. I wish this wasn’t happening to me. I wish I could just walk.
But I’m adaptable. I’m working it. The fogginess is almost lifted and I’m awake. I’m almost off tylenol – give me another 24 hours and I’ll call that a win. I pumped 31 oz for the freezer yesterday, on top of exclusively breast feeding. I am accepting help (and buying some – oh yes, this family is getting maid service) and it’s good. It’s really, really good.
I became a mother with C3, but I got cemented into the role with C4. Cement isn’t the right word, because cement cracks. I’m not cracking. I am being… responsible. Present. Put together. I’m actually wearing matching pajamas tonight – and I’ve ordered another pair. I had no idea how wearing matching pajamas would make me feel more ready to tackle the next day. (Okay, who am I?)
This summer is shaking us down and rebuilding us. Us being the parents. Us being me. I can’t put all this into a hashtag; I couldn’t even try. But the adventures of my summer with a walker continue. And it will be full of laughter and joy, with a small sprinkling of tears. I’m not a superhero, I just play one on facebook.