Posted by: cck | August 20, 2012

not an invitation

About a gazillion years ago, I was in the Vagina Monologues.  If you’ve never been – or, better yet, never been a part of a production – you’ve missed out.  My senior year at South Carolina I performed “My Short Skirt.”  I loved it – the empowering feeling of being a woman, in a cast of phenomenal women was not to be ignored.

There’s a line in the monologue, “My short skirt is not an invitation, a provocation, or an indication…” It’s meant to signal the end of blaming the victim of rape.  I wish I could get the crazies who birthed me to understand that my blog is not an invitation for their comments and opinions.  There are things I’d like to write – things I’d like to get off my chest… well, y’know what?  I’m still going to write.  I don’t publish their comments anyway (although they are hysterical to read).

Almost every Sunday, we head over to my in-laws for dinner.  They get a dose of C3, and we don’t have to do dishes.  It’s a win for both families.

However, sometimes I get a little weepy – and it’s not because I get superflous parenting advice from my used-to-be-a-baby-nurse mother-in-law.  While they’re both telling tales about K’s childhood, there’s no one to share my stories.  I wish I knew when I started walking.  I wish I knew when I started talking.  I wish I knew if I was in the 63rd or 14th percentile.  It’s hard to trust my memories – so much of what I thought I knew just hasn’t quite stood the test of time.

My kiddo won’t worry about this.  She’ll get the stories – she’ll have K and I as part of her life… always.  There’s something about knowing that we’re providing a stable (reinforced) foundation for our daughter is a relief.  The last lines of My Short Skirt…

But mainly my short skirt
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine.

My life is mine.  And I’m not squandering a minute!

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Responses

  1. Hello, I just found your blog while trying to learn more about bipolar pregnancy. I read through your journey and it’s been quite inspirational. While I am not pregnant right now, I would most likely have to deal with similar struggles you have. Reading your story gives me hope.

    • So, that just totally made my day. Sonya, thanks. I don’t know about inspirational – but I think being bipolar doesn’t have to be awful. You want to be a mom? You can do it. Come back and visit.

  2. I agree it doesn’t have to be awful at all.
    Though it does take courage to speak about it openly!
    I’ve been reading journal articles scaring myself about pregnancy and all the “what ifs” with medication. It was very refreshing to read your story. I’m happy that things turned out so well for you.


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