Posted by: cck | July 19, 2012

they lied

I don’t want to go back to work.  I’m not looking forward to it, at all.  Well, maybe that’s a stretch – I wouldn’t mind being able to go back to work part-time.  Just like breastfeeding, I knew this was the plan.  I’m the primary earner; I make sure we have health insurance, life insurance, and – y’know – money.  It was my post-feminist dream state: I can have it all.

I just didn’t expect to like motherhood, the SAHM brand of motherhood, all that much.  I believed I’d love my daughter.  I knew I’d like spending time with her.  But I had no idea I’d feel so good with the constant care – the laundry, the keeping the house clean (seriously, it’s the cleanest it’s ever been – still messy as hell), the cooking, the pure Donna Reed of it all.  I thought I’d be coming apart at the seams, but instead of feeling deprived I feel calm.  It could also be that I enjoy not having the pressures of work.  I don’t think I realized how much work I was carrying, or how heavy it really was.

I’ve actually done a few things here and there during the past few weeks to help out my boss and team.  It hasn’t been that bad.  I really do see a part-time gig in my future when we can swing it.  I want my kids to see a mom who works outside the home.  I think it’s important for them to have two working, positive role models.  And that’s not to say I think SAHMs don’t work.  Err, no mommy wars over here.

I just didn’t anticipate not wanting to return as much as I am.  Who knew?


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