Yesterday, I spent the day with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law looking for a wedding dress. It was one of those moments… Maybe the event has gained importance because of the advent of Say Yes to the Dress, but it’s one of those moments in life that I call a “montage moment.” If you were starring in your own romantic comedy, what parts of your life would be featured in the mid-movie montage? Shopping for a wedding dress with your mom and friends would be there, right?
I drove myself – as much as I love my MIL, I find if I give myself a brief respite I like her that much more – and driving from one bridal salon to the other, I had a moment of self-pity. I’m struggling a bit because I thought that someone would be available when I gave birth. I thought she’d be there. And, while she’s coming down for a few weeks about a month after the birth of my first child, I’ve been really disappointed.
It’s sort of how I cried for my mom a few weeks ago when headed to L&D for the false alarm. In that situation, I wasn’t actually wishing for the arrival of my mother (gawd, that’d be awful), but I was wishing for the idea of a mother. Sometimes it’s hard to stay in the moment – even when fully enjoying a montage moment. I gave myself the permission to feel bad for a few miles. Then I remembered – all the weirdness of all the families (mine, K’s) – isn’t going to be replicated in our family (or, ahem, mostly not replicated – we’re not perfect). My daughter will never worry that she’s a priority in my life. My daughter won’t shop for a wedding gown alone. So what if I did?
I’m fine. I’m giving birth any day now… I’m going to meet my daughter. I’m going to give my husband his first child. And y’know what? Nothing else matters. The only three people that really matter right now? K, me, and this precious child I’m still carrying inside of me. Ahhh, pregnancy hormones.