I don’t usually celebrate Mother’s Day. Of course, it has everything to do with my estranged mother. Mother’s Day was haaaard once I passed the macaroni necklace stage. Nothing was ever right – the cards (even though I usually got a back up), the food (my poor father could never get it right), the gift. Even trying to spend time with her was difficult. It was too frantic or too slow. The three of us – my father, brother and I – would start stressing the week before. Finally, I just stopped trying.
Last night, as K and I were getting our snuggle on before falling asleep, I started to cry. I’m a mom. Yes, yes – I know the baby hasn’t arrived yet and I’m not “officially” a mother… but, I’m a mom. I was talking with my grandmother about this chick inside me, and she said, “Of course you know her. You know everything about her.” And I realized – why, yes! I am a mom to this precious little girl who is about to be born… I know what her heart looks like, and her hands, and her sweet little chubby cheeks. I know she loves Beyonce and the sound of her father’s voice. I know she loves the smell of peppermint and the feel of my hand against her toes. I haven’t held her in my arms yet, but she’s been held against my heart for the last 35 weeks.
I am going to celebrate Mother’s Day today. K got me a kindle to replace the one I lost on a business trip. My daughter treated me to a mani/pedi yesterday (yes, went with the sparkly pink on the toes – it’s divine!). She’s very advanced that way. I’m going to celebrate all the good moms out there – because there are many many good mothers. I’m going to celebrate the women (and the men) that step up to help mother others. I’m even going to celebrate the kids that have to turn into their own mothers because the women that gave them life are too sick to continue being in theirs.
So far, I’m thankful for every single experience that has landed me here. I’ve tried writing Mother’s Day posts since I started blogging in 2006, and have never gotten it quite right. Not sure if I am now, but it feels different today. I don’t feel broken; I feel whole. I hope you celebrate your experience with motherhood today – happily.