I want a baby.
If only it was that easy. I thought I knew the formula: meet partner, get married, get pregnant, have baby. Seems like an easy equation, right? I always thought it would be (and still have some sense of faith that it might be). I met a wonderful man who I really enjoy sharing my life with; if I wasn’t a recovering perfectionist I would claim he was perfect for me. We’ve survived nearly three years of marriage that has shaken us down and rearranged our lives. He loves me and I love him. And now, we’re very ready for a family.
I kept thinking the biological clock thing was bullshit. It sounded like the female equivalent of blue balls — more myth than fact. It’s not. I started getting baby fever a year or two ago, but I always got over it. It would pass and I wouldn’t think about babies or starting my family or the urge to be a mother. And then – last week, I started being physically drawn to baby stuff. For the past three days I’ve been as hormonal as a tween – crying at pampers commercials and yearning for a baby bjorn. And all I could think – it’s started. This pull – ten months away from turning thirty – it is as regular and unrelenting as the tides.
Here are my hurdles: I’m bipolar and infertile. Not insurmountable obstacles on their own, but added together it seems like a battle I’m not sure I can survive. Fortunately, hormones don’t really worry about hurdles and they don’t take notice of obstacles. Let’s get started.